Humility is something to which we awaken when we see the truth of who we are and how distant we are from who we can become.
Humility is not ours to control. It is sometimes a gift that is given us through the depths of our suffering and when we admit to ourselves that our lives are not manageable. When we become humble enough to share with another person our 'story' and our 'behaviors' when we were in our active addiction, it is then when we truly realize the horror of our lives and ask for our Higher Power help.
It is only when we can no longer hide from the insanity of our lives that we
fall at last into the arms of humility.
If not for the suffering, there would be no recovery.
If not for the madness, there would be no humility.
And we control none of this.
It is all a matter of grace, a searing grace that burns away the illusion of control and leaves us humbly asking our Higher Power for help.
Ram Dass is one of the spiritual leaders of the 20th century. Once called Richard Alpert, he earned a Ph.D. in psychology from Stanford University and then went on to teach at Harvard. In search of freedom and inner peace, Richard Alper became Ram Dass after going to India in search of something deeper in his life and greater spiritual wisdom. He became very famous publishing a book about his spiritual experiences with the Maharaji.
In 1977, Ram Dass suffered a severe stroke that left him with expressive aphasia and partial paralysis on his right side. As he lay on the floor of his bedroom having collapsed from this stroke, Ram Dass realized that all his years of spiritual training had abandoned him. He was scared and nothing he knew was going to get him through this.
He called his stroke, "Fierce Grace" ~ a reminder from his teacher that with all his fame and good works, Ram Dass was no one special and had attained nothing of value. It was the fierce grace of hitting rock bottom. It was humbling and liberating at the same time.
We tend to think of grace as somehow soft and tender. It can be at times, I suppose, but the grace that saves, the grace the lifts from us the crushing weight of our addictions to not only one substance or another but our addiction to the illusion of power of control at our fingers.
Fierce grace rips the illusion even farther than we knew imaginable, hitting that terrible rock bottom with such force as to shatter our illusions and allow us to begin the road of recovery.
Recovery - Rami Shapiro