and what conditions we need to survive.
These cues form our childhood NEEDS.
In our earliest states of helpless dependence,
no alternatives exist to our care taking situation,
but to survive.
Because we have no options,
we idealize those cues that define our existence and internalize
this idealization in the form of familiar patterns
that ultimately serve to ensure
our emotional survival.
This represents our Child -
manifested by the NEED to maintain those cues
that give us a sense of
self, others, and the world.
As we desperately staying in what we know of the past,
and in the here and now of today,
we dispel uncertainly and maintain predictability.
That is safe.
Even if we do not want the outcome and
intellectually understand it
to be painful or destructive.
As we mature, and begin to develop the Adult self,
we become increasingly capable of expressing
what we WANT in the here and now.
When the Adults WANTS are the same
as the Child NEEDS, little conflict ensure.
We incorporate our NEEDS into WANTS.
More commonly a state of tension exits between the two forces.
Our Child self, which is full of powerful emotions associated with survival,
tries to combat change,
and our Adult self can easily be sidelined
by this intense effort for continunity.
The confronting interface between the here and now Adult WANTS
and the then and there Child NEEDS
defines our struggle to grow as
individuals, couples, families, and communities.
The wish for you in your today is:
Know what you NEED,
but have what you WANT;
Love the Child, Be the Adult.
Breaking Free - Kardener & Kardener