No one came from a 'perfect' upbringing, however many had great childhoods. Some did not.
Understanding more of our emotional development lends power
to our relationships today as Adults.
In doing deeper work we look inside as individuals. As we explore our relationships as couples, we may realize that there are
some 'Child' parts of us that remain.
Some emotional imprints that remain with us and may cause confusion.
The Child's fears will hold the Adult's present pleasures captive.
For example, the Child distinguishes no difference between helplessness and vulnerability.
Those emotions for a child feel the same. The Adult part in us can distinguish. When we are in an Adult state we can take meaningful chances, face reasonable risks, and know we will no longer be emotionally destroyed or devastated by experiences.
Understanding that emotional connection in a relationship (attachment) is necessary for a secure bond. For Adults, a secure bonds develops with safety, accessibility and vulnerability and being responsive to one's partner, engaging in their needs and life goals and dreams.
Understanding vulnerability and helplessness and differentiating our Child parts and Adults parts helps us retain our power as Adults. To grow and achieve autonomy and develop mature dependence we must dare to be vulnerable. In childhood we experienced vulnerability as being synonymous with helplessness. Thereby emotionally welding together these two very different phenomenon. When we realize that this perceived equivalency no longer holds true; change becomes possible.
Philosophically it is conceivable that an Adult can be profoundly vulnerable and yet never helpless. The difference is straightforward. A Child has no options; an Adult always has options. For an Adult choice helps to make the crucial distinctions between functioning emotionally as an Adult and functioning as a Child.
Taken from Breaking Free ~ Kardener