Intimacy occurs at different levels of meaningfulness and intensity.
It may start with self-disclosure of unimportant or impersonal facts. But as the importance of what we are disclosing increases, intimacy becomes more meaningful--and anxiety provoking. How important the listener is in our lives that has a similar impact: the more important the audience, the more intimate the encounter seems.
Intimacy challenges your sense of self.
Profound adult intimacy isn't like "mother's milk"--it's the last thing we want when we feel insecure and, ironically, the first thing we seek. Intimacy is no refuge when couples are emotionally worn out and hungry.
It is inevitable and necessary that intimacy occur without trust and affirmation from your partner.
Other-validated intimacy is nice when you can get it. But when you don't you can attempt to rise to the occasion and validate yourself. Trying--and succeeding--to validate yourself when your partner doesn't validate you isn't as improbable as it might seem.
When you are "out of sync" with your partner, this stimulates you to regulate and obtain your own emotional equilibrium, which is solid within yourself. Intimacy involves your "relationship with yourself" as well as your relationship with your partner.
Self validated intimacy is becoming more of a person and developing a more resilient intimate relationship.
Self validated intimacy occurs gradually over a lifetime. Self-validated intimacy is becoming a hero or heroine in your own eyes by doing something that requires you to self-validate. Self-validated intimacy completely shifts the way you see yourself, your spouse, your children, marriage, and life itself.
Passionate Marriage - Schnarch