Attachment and the emotions associated with it are the core defining feature of close relationships.
The fear of isolation and loss is found in every human heart.
There is no such thing as complete independence from others or over dependency. There is only effective or ineffective dependency. Secure dependency fosters autonomy and self confidence.
Secure dependency and autonomy are then two sides of the same coin, rather than dichotomies.
Research tells us that secure attachment is associated with a more coherent, articulated, and positive sense of self. The more securely connected we are, the more separate and different we can be. Health in this model means maintaining a felt sense of inter-dependency, rather than being self sufficient and separate from others.
Contact with attachment figures is an innate survival mechanism. The presence of an attachment figure, which usually means parents, children, spouses, and lovers, provided comfort and security, while the perceived inaccessibility of such figures creates distress.
Proximity to a loved one tranquilizes the nervous system.
It is the natural antidote to the inevitable anxieties and vulnerabilities of life.
For people of all ages, positive attachments create a safe haven that offers a buffer
against the effects of stress and uncertainty and an optimal context
for continuing the development of a personality.
The Practice of Emotionally Focused