10 Emotional Needs in Marriages
What are yours?
1. Affection: Showing love through words, cards, gifts, hugs, kisses, and courtesies; creating an environment that clearly and repeatedly expresses love.
2. Sexual Fulfillment: A sexual relationship that brings out a predictably enjoyable sexual response in both of you that is frequent enough for both of you.
3. Conversation: Talking about events of the day, feelings, and plans; avoiding angry or judgmental statements or dwelling on past mistakes; showing interest in your favorite topics of conversation; balancing conversation; using it to inform, investigate, and understand you; and giving you undivided attention.
4. Recreational Companionship: Developing interest in your favorite recreational activities, learning to be proficient in them, and joining you in those activities. If any prove to be unpleasant to your spouse after an effort has been made, negotiating new recreational activities that are mutually enjoyable.
5. Honesty & Openness: Revealing positive and negative feelings, events of the past, daily events and schedule, plans for the future; not leaving you with a false impression; answering your questions truthfully.
6. Attractiveness of Spouse: Keeping physically fit with diet and exercise; wearing hair, clothing, and in a way that you find attractive and tasteful.
7. Financial Support: Provision of the financial resources to house, feed, and clothe your family at a standard of living acceptable to you, but avoiding travel and working hours that are unacceptable to you.
8. Domestic Support: Creation of a home environment for you that offers a refuge from the stress of life; managing the home and care of the children- if any are at home – including but not limited to cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, and housecleaning.
9. Family Commitment: Scheduling sufficient time and energy for the moral and educational development of your children; reading to them, taking them on frequent outings, educating himself or herself in appropriate child-training methods and discussing those methods with you; avoiding and child-training method or disciplinary action that does not have your enthusiastic support.
10. Admiration: Respecting, valuing, and appreciating you; rarely critical; and expressing admiration to you clearly and often.
HER Top 5 Emotional Needs (on average):
3. Honesty & Openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment
HIS Top 5 Emotional Needs (on average):
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. Attractiveness of Spouse
4. Domestic Support
All information adapted from Dr. Willard Harley Jr.’s book,
His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Fleming H. Revell: 2001)