In codependency, a person's sense of worth comes from others rather than internally.
Codependent individuals do not believe in their inherent value so they need external measures to prove their worth. One may over focus on their partner.
Keeping that partner is worth more than anything else.
The goal of recovery is inter-dependency.
:This is where a person can care and nurture others but never to one's own personal detriment.
This external focus leads a codependent person to want to control the other person in the relationship. This highlights the fundamental paradox of codependency.
The more someone tries to control another, the more out of control they feel
since no person can change another.
This paradox leads them to feel powerless and victimized.
Codependency is a pervasive experience, it is a lens through which one sees the people in one's life.
In codependency, emotional experience is often reduced to feelings of fear or anxiety; (I am not safe) or a resentment (You should be the way I want you to be) or guilt (I cannot say no or I am bad) and shame
(I am not worthwhile or lovable).
Furthermore, people with codependency have the disorder whether there are in relationship or not,
it exists within them.
Codependent relationships are inherently imbalanced. Usually there is someone who gives beyond what is appropriate, reasonable, or honest, and there is someone who takes inappropriately.
Recovery is possible. Therapy can provide understanding of the development of codependency in the family system. Also can provide the understanding of how to develop self worth, self assertiveness and boundaries, and identification of needs and asking one's needs to be met. The goal being how do I achieve and maintain an interdependent relationship.
Resources from The Codependeny Recovery Plan, K. Mazzola LMFT