Blog Archives - Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT

Imagine a woman...

3/31/2014

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experiences and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who believes she is good. A woman who trusts and respects herself. Who listens to her needs an desires, and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf, Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own Gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body, and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman...

The Road to Self Esteem

3/30/2014

Crisis in self-esteem are a part of the human experience. Be patient with yourself, change takes time and steadfast works.Choose to do any of the suggestions below, keeping in mind that a little bit is movement towards your esteem building works much better than all or nothing attempts. Choose goals, experiences, tasks, that allow you to be successful. As you begin to build these aspects of yourself, your esteem will rise. Each evening before you fall asleep, review the successes of your day.

Free yourself from the "shoulds"and
choose life as you want it to be for yourself not based on others expectations.
Identify and respect your own needs.
Ask for what you want.
Set achievable goals.
Talk to yourself positively.
Test your abilities.
Experience success and notice.
Take Chances.
Solve problems.
Make Decisions.
Develop your skills a little at a time.
Rely on your own opinion of yourself.
Eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive!
3% of change, once a day, equals a lot of change in a short time.
Be easy on yourself.
Make a plan for your self-esteem!
Follow the road to better health for yourself!

Managing anxiety

3/29/2014

Sometimes anxiety comes in a form of worry, then fear, then panic. The intensity of the fear and worry can heighten and some people end up with the experience of a panic attack. The intensity of the experience is so unpleasant and scary that people never want to have that experience again. Often, the worry becomes focused about having another panic attack. When people begin to curtail their activities with the belief that they are avoiding a panic attack, panic disorder sets in, and life becomes smaller. It is completely understandable that you would never want to have a panic attack. They are physically painful and terrifying. However, they are not lethal. You can control any factors that will reduce the frequency and duration of panic attacks.

If you have panic disorder you may feel:
Rapid heart rate
Shallow respiration
Nausea
Tingling
Ringing Ears
Lump in the throat
Dizziness
Sweaty palms
Flushing or blushing
Heart palpitations

Right off hand I can think of many things to calm or relax the body to reduce anxiety and avoid a panic situation.

Sit in a quiet place. Call a good friend and talk about your experience.

Do something quiet like reading where you use your thinking brain, rather than feeling brain to stay out of a fight or flight reaction.

Get away from stimulation for at least 15 minutes. Do some exercise. Run!

Listen to music that soothes you. Good self talk helps!

Play a computer game or something that draws your thinking brain.

Spend some time drawing, doodling, or creative activity.

Switch from indoors to outdoors. Move a bit, take a walk.

Try breathing and relaxation techniques.

Positive self talk and make time for daily self care and needs.

Learn to stay in the moment with mindfulness techniques.

Eat well, adding protein which builds brain neurotransmitters.

Eat regular meals, get enough sleep.

Taking charge of the thing that make your body anxious is not always easy, but is always productive. Soothing physical arousal occurs with mental effort but also by making changes in your physical environment, both the inside environment of your body and the outside environment of the world around you.

All in all, there are solutions towards managing anxiety today. If you cannot work through some of the feelings yourself, contact a therapist and they will be able to help you!

A Cup of Coffee

3/29/2014

How could we raise awareness of the perils of loneliness in our country? This would validate our human need for belonging and support. Can you imagine if we took a small amount of the $641 million spent on anti-smoking campaigns in the U.S. (2010) and instead publicize the dangers of emotional isolation? Emotional isolation has actually been found to be more dangerous to our health than smoking. We could put banners up to our cities asking people, "Who did you reach out to today?" or even telling them, "Take someone you know for a latte today. It's good for your health."

Sue Johnson, Love Sense

Today

3/28/2014

Every time we become preoccupied with the future we are creating an obstacle for love. Love lives in the present moment!

sunlight

3/27/2014

We tend to focus on negative emotion because cues relevant to survival are given priority by our mind and body.

But positive emotion is a powerful force as well. Life is, after all, a constant search for just this! Studies now show that happiness is not only a sign of flourishing but also the impulse that creates well-being.

Just as sunlight makes gardens grow, joy makes us more alive and adventurous. It moves us forward and outward, pushing us to explore novel objects and places and engage with loved ones and strangers.

In psychological terms, it sends us into "approach" behavior"--but in a softer, more inquisitive way than does anger, which has a harder, more assertive quality. Negative emotions, such as anger and fear, narrow our focus, while positive emotion expands the range of our thoughts and creates the urge to play and experiment.

Positive emotions and beliefs fuel resilience and help us bounce back from adversity. They generate even more positive emotions in an upward spiral. This is surely part of the power of love. Love, at its best, bring a cornucopia of good things: joy and contentment, safety and trust, intense interest and involvement, curiosity and openness.

Dr. Sue Johnson, Love Sense

Peace

3/26/2014

"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace."
— Albert Schweitzer

The buffer, balance, bounce effect.

3/26/2014

A more secure partner buffers your fears and helps you regain your emotional balance so you can reconnect. Then, together you both bounce back from separation distress, distance and conflict.We are never so secure that we don't need our partner's help in readjusting the emotional music in our attachment dance. Love Sense, Dr. Sue Johnson

Relationship distress and repair are always a two-person affair, a dance is never defined by just one person.

Human Connection

3/26/2014

By increasing emotional engagement and responsiveness, we can hope to build children who will be better friends, better citizens, and eventually become better parents themselves.

"We now have so many people running on empty".

"There is fluoride in our water supply to prevent tooth decay...we need empathy in our water to prevent social decay."

Mary Gordon, Roots of Empathy

You're not alone

3/25/2014

Empathy is a connection; it's a ladder out of the shame hole. Not only do others help me climb out of the shame hole by listening and loving me, but they make themselves vulnerable by sharing that they, too, had spent some time in that same hole. Empathy doesn't require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story with us. Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, and not the same event or circumstance. Shame is dissipated the minute I realize that I am not alone--that my experiences are human. Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. There is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It's simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of, "You're not alone."
From Brene Brown, Daring Greatly.