deep mutual bond with another
is the first imperative of the human species.
Life at it's best is essentially a series of excursions
from the safety of a secure relationship
out into the uncertainty of the greater world.
These bonds began for each of us as babies.
The type of attachment we experienced with our mothers emerge
when we have developed that relationship of a safe haven.
The type of emotional connection that is developed between the two
dictates how the child can comfort, calm themselves, and return to the safe haven
of their world when an absence of the mother or threat of being alone occurs.
The need to for close emotional and physical contact with loved ones has become part of the air we breathe. The need to be close to a few precious others, to attach, and this attachment persists through life and in the force that shape our
adult love relationships.
The four elements of attachment are considered to be the norm
and universal occurring in relationships across cultures.
- We seek out, monitor, and try to maintain emotional and physical connection with our loved ones. Throughout life, we rely on them to be emotionally accessible,
responsive, and engaged with us.
- We reach out for our loved ones particularly when we are uncertain, threatened, anxious, or upset. Contact with them gives us a sense of having a safe haven, where we will find comfort and emotional support;
this sense of safety teaches us
how to regulate our own emotions and
how to connect with and trust others.
- We miss our loved ones and become extremely upset when they are physically or emotionally remote; this separation anxiety can become intense and incapacitating.
Isolation is inherently traumatizing for human beings.
- We depend on our loved ones to support us emotionally an be a secure base as we venture into the world and learn and explore. The more we sense that we are effectively connected,
the more autonomous and separate we can be.
Studies from theorist John Bowlby have confirmed that our need
to attach continues beyond childhood
and also establish that
romantic love is an attachment bond.
At every age human beings habitually seek and maintain
physical and emotional closeness with at least
one particular irreplaceable other.
We especially seek out this person when we feel stressed, unsure, or anxious.
We are just hardwired this way.
Dr. Sue Johnson ~ Love Sense