Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT
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Teaching Myself Joy

6/27/2015

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What we repeatedly visualize changes our body and our consciousness
and how we feel.

Visualize freedom and compassion.

Patterns of thought that are negative can be so harmful, worry, greed, self loathing. 
And a part of us knows those thoughts are not true. 
We can become marked by our past experiences by destructive thoughts. 
Or
We can mentally isolate those thoughts,
we can reduce them,
we can stop them.
 

When happiness arises we can chose
that those destructive states have no valid foundation. 

We can choose happiness.

In High Tide in Tucson, novelist Barbara Kingsolver
talks about how this transformation is possible,
even when our old life in in ruins:


"Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. 
A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move,
loss of a job or a limb or a loved one, a graduation, bring a new baby home. 
It is impossible to think at first how this all will be possible. 
Eventually, what movies it all forward is the ebb and flow
of being alive among the living.


In my own worst seasons I have come back from the colorless world of despair
by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time,
at a single glorious thing:
a flame of a red carnation outside my bedroom window. 
And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. 
And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent moon. 
Until I learned to be in love with my life again. 
Like a stroke victim restraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills,
I have taught myself joy,
over and over and over again.
"




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Take a Chance With What you Feel...

6/26/2015

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"According to the laws of aerodynamics,
the bumble bee cannot fly."


There are times when we must go beyond all logic
and take a chance with what we feel.


There are the times when everything
and everyone shouts 'NO!' at us,
and yet something deep inside says,

"Go For It!"

We must go with our own convictions,
our own conclusions

and trust our own inner voice.

 That 'knowing' is precious,
that 'knowing' is deep inside
and is what is right for us.
 

Life is too short for us to be led by the conclusions of others
when we do not agree that they are right for us.

Leave "the shoulds" behind.
Follow your own truths. 
Be willing to take risks
to honor who you are, and your happiness.


Live your life,
remember, it is yours to live.



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Learn to be Mindful of Thought Instead of Being Lost in it.

6/25/2015

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Thoughts are often one-sided and untrue.
Learn to be mindful of thought instead of being lost in it.

Looking at the ongoing and repetitive thoughts that go through our mind,
we can see how it can create a self. 
We maintain our world with our inner dialogue.

When mindfulness is focused of the process of thinking our thoughts,
we can almost step back and notice how much we think about the same things each day. 

We can step back and see how ridiculous,
repetitive thought stream continually constructs our inner world.


Our thoughts can limit ourselves with
judgements, defenses, ambitions, and compensations. 

If someone would walk beside us
and whisper to us our own thoughts,

we would constantly be bored. 
If we continued we would be dismayed with the judgements and fears, anger,
the thoughts would not ever shut up! 

Finally we may conclude they are crazy. 
Can you believe we do this to ourselves!

When we become honest with ourselves and really look at our judgments,
so may of them are untrue.

Try for a moment to sit quietly. 
Stop reading this blog. 
Close your eyes and try to count your thoughts for one or two minutes. 
Number each one. 

See what happens.

You may notice a few interesting things that are happening. 
You may have word thoughts, or you may have picture thoughts. 
Some of us have both. 
Initially thoughts tend to slow down. 
Some try to capture your identify, "Am I doing this right?" 
If you sense very carefully you may sense the gap between the thoughts,
the space of awareness withing which thoughts arise. 

It is as if you become the witness of all things, silent, open, alive. 
If you look further, you find you are not even the witness
for if you look for the self, there is only witnessing,
awareness itself with on one doing it.

By developing a mindful thought and noticing your thoughts,
one can see how our fears and beliefs blind us. 

Wise Heart - Jack Kornfield
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Bliss

6/21/2015

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Humility is the source of awe and reverence
when experiencing the immensity and mystery of life.
Life is a mystery to be lived.

Whether it is looking out at the depth of darkness
on a starry night
and the immensity of space,


or experiencing the flight of a thousand birds above
moving together
as their flight above takes them to and fro in their own rhythm,

or experiencing your own offspring being born
and growing in their own unique way,

or marveling at the mysteries of scientific discoveries,
or unexplained miracles
that occur throughout our lives
---

All of this give us pause.
And moves us to experience our
own littleness
in the face of the enormity of reality.


Pause. 
Be still and notice.
Enjoy each wonderful
moment
that this life has to offer.



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Bliss

6/20/2015

 
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Bliss engenders empowerment.

we also embrace our imagination and creativity. 



Today we refuse to be victims of past issues any longer.
We can leave toxic shame where it belongs, in the past. 
We become the artistic creators of our lives. 
We take risks. 
We go after the things we really want.
 










Open yourself to the awesome unlimited possibilities
of our human nature. 
Such possibilities are modeled by the
magnificent outpouring of human creation. 


Our great musicians were limited by the laws of the musical scale,
but within those limits the variety of their compositions
are almost unbelievable. 
Our great painters were limited by their canvas,
but walking through a museum of fine art
can be an awesome and overwhelming experience.

Within our human limits, there are still miracles to come. 

You are one of those miracles. 

Being human requires courage. 
It requires courage because human beings are imperfect.  
You need the courage to be imperfect. 
The courage to be imperfect
engenders a lifestyle characterized by spontaneity and humor. 
Stop walking on eggshells and be imperfect!
Take more risks, feel freer to explore, be creative,
and laugh more! 

As Robert Frost would have it, "Ride easy in the harness."


Healing the Shame that Binds Us
John Bradshaw


Loving Myself.

6/19/2015

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My sense is that unconditional love is
the most powerful healing and creative energy in the universe.
Love energy exists naturally inside each of us.


The reason some of us do not love ourselves is not so much
that we do not know how but that we have a belief that it is wrong to have self esteem.
Seated in religious dogma, socialized from society,
or the notion of self esteem is being prideful are all beliefs we can challenge. 

Loving oneself is holding ourselves up in the world
and realizing that our inner life
is our most precious gift restoring sanity
and giving in to experiencing a higher way of life.


Sometimes we have set the world upside down. 
Our task is to set our vision straight again. 
Some new attitudes will set us free.


I have learned to see the world the way it isn't.
I have done this for my survival.
I am now interested in much more that survival.
I can see it the way it is.
There is nothing outside of myself that can save me.
I have everything I need inside of me.
All the love I have been searching for is here within me.
I demand it from others because I am unwilling to give it to myself.
I can give it to myself.
My very nature is love, so there is no need to search for it,
no need to work at it.
Love is the thing I need to change.

I am now willing to love myself.

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When I Accept Who I am, In This Moment, I am Fully Alive

6/16/2015

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Wanting is the urge for the next moment to contain
what this moment does not.
 

When there is wanting in the mind the moment feels incomplete.
 

Wanting is seeking elsewhere. 
Completeness is right here, right now. 

 I remember,
I won't be happy as long as I am
wishing for something else.
 

I will not be satisfied with a relationship,
or with a friendship

if I am waiting for the other person to change.
 
I loose my power
and give it away to them
to change my joy,
define my moments in life.

When I can do this myself.
As well, I loose the power
over the beauty of this moment, this day.

When I accept
what I have
and what I am
and what I see,
in this moment,

I am fully alive. 


In this moment
I feel the joy of knowing
that it is all that there is right now. 
And that is o.k.
I can bring great peace and great joy
to my day
by being in each moment.
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Quiet Time

6/13/2015

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"Take time to come home to yourself everyday."

No matter how busy I am today,
I will begin and end my day with quiet time. 
I look forward to that time
when I stop
all outward activity,
and rest,
and look within for my peace and truth.

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June 11th, 2015

6/11/2015

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If you compare yourself to others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for there will always be
greater or lesser persons then yourself.

Happiness does not depend on external sources. 
Happiness does not depend on anyone else either.
Not what they do or how far they have gone. 

What counts is who you are as a person,

and what you do,
to fulfill yourself.

You are a unique, special, and precious self.
Be the best you can be.
Your best is good enough.


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Choosing To Love Myself.

6/8/2015

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You do not to need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself.
The single relationship that is truly central
and crucial in a life
is the relationship to the self.
Of all the people you will know in a lifetime,
you are the only one you will never lose.

Shame's greatest enemy is the statement, "I love myself."
To say, "I love myself" can become
your most powerful tool in healing
the shame of your past. 

To truly love yourself you will transform your life.

Love is the will to extend myself
for the sake of nurturing my own spirit
and anothers spirit.
The definition sees love
as an act of intention,
an act of will,

and act of choice.

This means love is a decision.

I can choose to love myself.
No matter what the past has been.
No matter how I feel about myself.
Choosing to love ourselves is possible.


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    Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A.
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist


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