A major misconception about conflict in romantic relationships is that people in good relationships should fight very little. There's an expectation that, if well matched, you and your partner will see eye to eye on most matters and argue rarely, if at all. Sometimes arguments are even considered to be "proof" that two people are incompatible or that a relationship is derailing. Not so true.
Attachment theory shows us that these assumptions are unsubstantiated; all couples-- even secure ones-- have their fair share of fights.
What does distinguish between couples and affect their satisfaction levels in their relationships is not how much they disagree, but how they disagree and what they disagree about. Attachment researchers have learned that conflicts can serve as an opportunity for couples to get closer and deepen their bond.
Taking a closer look at these five principles, shows how more secure couples manage their disagreements.
1. Show basic concern for the other person's well-being.
2. Maintain focus on the problem at hand. One at a time.
3. Refrain from generalizing the conflict, such as using words as 'always' or 'never'.
4. Be willing to engage. Turn toward rather than turn away.
5. Effectively communicate feelings and needs.
Taken from the book, Attached, by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, M.A.