By looking at and extracting your own personal unresolved issues that are embedded in your gridlock situation in your marriage and confronting them is an act of integrity.
You can do this unilaterally, without counting on the other partner to do likewise, and without getting lost in what he or she is or isn't doing. Sometimes this involves owing your projections, even when your partner doesn't reciprocate. You focus on yourself instead of "working on your relationship" or tying to change your partner.
You stop trying to make your partner listen, validate, or accept you; you listen to yourself. It is not easy, this this act of integrity is possible when you let the best in you run the show.