When you reach the inevitable point where you are unwilling to adapt to each other and unwilling to confront yourself, you are trapped in emotional gridlock.
The natural evolution of any emotionally committed relationship. There is nothing pathological involved. You don't need to have anything "wrong" with you to hit "gridlock"---there is nothing going "wrong" when gridlock hits.
It is part of a sequence created by the lack of differentiation that usually exists when we pick a partner: dependence on 'other-validated' intimacy, a reflected sense of self, and regulating anxiety through relationships.
So, what is the differentiation process?
Typically is is martial problems caused by emotional fusion: sexual boredom, low sexual desire, lack of intimacy, fights about money, parents, in-laws---and where to spend the next vacation.
The particulars of what triggers your differentiation are personal and custom-tailored to your past, present, and anticipated future.
The people-growing ecosystem in an emotionally committed relationship is amazingly circular: emotional fusion creates the "problem" that push us
to becomes sufficiently differentiated to
solve these dilemmas.
Passionate Marriage - Schnarch
The natural evolution of any emotionally committed relationship. There is nothing pathological involved. You don't need to have anything "wrong" with you to hit "gridlock"---there is nothing going "wrong" when gridlock hits.
It is part of a sequence created by the lack of differentiation that usually exists when we pick a partner: dependence on 'other-validated' intimacy, a reflected sense of self, and regulating anxiety through relationships.
So, what is the differentiation process?
Typically is is martial problems caused by emotional fusion: sexual boredom, low sexual desire, lack of intimacy, fights about money, parents, in-laws---and where to spend the next vacation.
The particulars of what triggers your differentiation are personal and custom-tailored to your past, present, and anticipated future.
The people-growing ecosystem in an emotionally committed relationship is amazingly circular: emotional fusion creates the "problem" that push us
to becomes sufficiently differentiated to
solve these dilemmas.
Passionate Marriage - Schnarch
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