Couples as well as individuals frequently question whether all the work necessary to solve their problems is really worth the effort. They often think that separating will end their difficulties. The unresolved conflicts simply get re-staged and replayed in subsequent relationships. And diluted in whatever general growth the participants have experiences in the meantime.
Coming to appreciate that the real requirement for healthy growth is not so much the work to be done with the other person but they work we must do on ourselves. When exposed to the old "Childhood Needs" activated by our partner's "Childhood Self" a person must exert significant effort to avoid regressing into his own Child part. Collusion keeps the conflict alive. Staying in the here and now as an "Adult" takes work.
The price of Adulthood is eternal vigilance; you must always know where
your "Child part" is.
But the payoff is as invaluable as the rewards of being an adult.
Coming to appreciate that the real requirement for healthy growth is not so much the work to be done with the other person but they work we must do on ourselves. When exposed to the old "Childhood Needs" activated by our partner's "Childhood Self" a person must exert significant effort to avoid regressing into his own Child part. Collusion keeps the conflict alive. Staying in the here and now as an "Adult" takes work.
The price of Adulthood is eternal vigilance; you must always know where
your "Child part" is.
But the payoff is as invaluable as the rewards of being an adult.
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