When we are unhappy with our circumstances,
we often speak enthusiastically about the importance of change.
Change does mean giving up some unrealized needs.
We try to have change on the one hand without doing too much on the other.
There lies the essence of conflict in the process of change.
The "Adult part of us" (wanting change) runs into the stubbornness
of our "Child part of us" (needing nothing to be different).
The tension between the two states generates both the motivation
for change and the resistance for growth.
Emotional growth unquestionably requires courage.
Think of change in terms of falling off a cliff.
Our attempt to keep 'the land of the past' in sight impedes our voyage in the present.
The courage to grow includes both getting to and through zero
by breaking free of old bonds and continuing to move in increasingly positive ways, even when
we think we "loose site of home."
Salvador Minuchin, a pioneer in the field of family therapy, in a presentation to a group of therapists, offhandedly commented that the had been married to seven women. The audience gasped. He quickly added that perhaps he should explain. In his multiple decades of marriage, he could recognize the stages of growth his wife had gone through and the metamorphoses she has undergone from the young bride, to a young wife, to a mother, and so forth. He felt most fortunate to have been able to grow with her, he said otherwise they could have found themselves growing apart. Though such an outcome would have been sad and unfortunate, the consolation
would have been the emphasis they put on growing, not on apart.
Now that takes courage.
Breaking Free - Kardener
we often speak enthusiastically about the importance of change.
Change does mean giving up some unrealized needs.
We try to have change on the one hand without doing too much on the other.
There lies the essence of conflict in the process of change.
The "Adult part of us" (wanting change) runs into the stubbornness
of our "Child part of us" (needing nothing to be different).
The tension between the two states generates both the motivation
for change and the resistance for growth.
Emotional growth unquestionably requires courage.
Think of change in terms of falling off a cliff.
Our attempt to keep 'the land of the past' in sight impedes our voyage in the present.
The courage to grow includes both getting to and through zero
by breaking free of old bonds and continuing to move in increasingly positive ways, even when
we think we "loose site of home."
Salvador Minuchin, a pioneer in the field of family therapy, in a presentation to a group of therapists, offhandedly commented that the had been married to seven women. The audience gasped. He quickly added that perhaps he should explain. In his multiple decades of marriage, he could recognize the stages of growth his wife had gone through and the metamorphoses she has undergone from the young bride, to a young wife, to a mother, and so forth. He felt most fortunate to have been able to grow with her, he said otherwise they could have found themselves growing apart. Though such an outcome would have been sad and unfortunate, the consolation
would have been the emphasis they put on growing, not on apart.
Now that takes courage.
Breaking Free - Kardener
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