Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT
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Have Compassion for Yourself; Let go of False Confidence

8/29/2015

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What is false confidence?
Is it the protective mechanism that keeps our self image intact?
The fabricated self we have come to identify with so completely?
False confidence is the ego's false bravado masquerading as confidence.


However, this false confidence never does a good job
protecting us from our deep insecurities.
In fact, this false confidence keeps us from
seeing who we really are and from accessing the state of being,

in which true self confidence resides.


False confidence only works when it is talking you and
everyone else into believing
that you have it all together. 
You are perfect. 

The perfect everything you portray to the world. 
This works for awhile.


Except, it turns into your own kind of hell
when you are alone and face the reality,
the false confidence condemning you for failing
at the unwinnable game of perfectionism.

This is the ego at work.
Instead of picking you up off the floor of defeat,
it tears you down, diminishing any real confidence you may have and
instead of having compassion for yourself for not being perfect,
you condemn yourself. 


Instead of acknowledging your own accomplishments,
you devalue them by comparing yourself with others.


This is a tragic game we play with ourselves
to portray a perfect and false self to the world.
 

The truth is, nobody is born into an insignificant life. 
There is not one life that doesn't add tremendous value to the whole. 


Somewhere inside we know this to be true. 
We can hear the faint call of humanism

and we can point to a more authentic direction of a bigger life.
 
This life, built on a bedrock of authenticity,
this life asks us to consider what real confidence is...
what would we have to know to actually
embody true and authentic confidence?


We must lift ourselves out of fear of the individual ego
and live in a brave new world. 

A paradigm of connection. 
It may not be easy to lift yourself out of fear,
but it is a choice we can make. 

Not only a choice, a transformation. 
Make connection with your humanity,
live with the certainty of who you are,
in service to others, with hope, and love. 

Choose to contribute rather than hold back,
find your authentic voice,
and release yourself
from the torture of the drama of perfectionism. 

To claim your purpose
is the great journey of your lifetime.
 
It is a journey that takes you
from remembering to knowing
and
that leads you from
your head to your heart.





Debbie Ford - Courage

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    Author:
    Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A.
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist


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