and questions to ourselves like:
What do I really want?
Who am I?
Alongside this struggle of living out
or expectations of others
(especially your parents) in contrast
to your own impulse to explore,
experiment, and take risks
based on your own feelings and desires,
Which way do I go?
this is a turning point
to begin the life renewing process
Grieving the losses of childhood
is the heart of healing work we must do.
When we first begin to feel some of the intense feelings
we have repressed from childhood,
we feel a natural fear
that somehow our pain will be limitless.
Of course the fact is,
that we have such powerful and frightening feelings,
they undermine the denial that says
we are doing just fine.
We are recognizing the presence of something important that needs attention.
Yet each step of the journey
can be the place where we lack courage,
refusing to go on while succumbing to our fears.
At any point, we can choose the path of least resistance,
give our defenses credibility
and ignore our feelings within
that are pushing for acknowledgement.
Fears of our feelings
will cause us to fixate them
in our minds,
believing them to be terminal conditions
or overwhelming monsters,
when they are not.
Intellectually insight can serve as a road map,
and often many revert to this one aspect
only however you gain only a wealth of understanding
without resolving your deeper feelings.
The journey is
ultimately an emotional one.
Working with a therapist
and as healing work progress,
a little at a time,
we can discover a new feeling
and begin to connect it
to a growing awareness of our history.
A little at a time we discover our ability to
identify our feelings
and give them a voice.
The wizard of oz and other narcisists/Payson