It isn't just self disclosure.
Disclosing familiar and comfortable parts of yourself doesn't evoke the electricity of self confrontation
and personal growth common to intimate experiences.
Intimacy comes from full disclosure of all parts of self.
Where your partner sees and loves all of you, not just the great parts.
Intimacy also differs from meditation or solitary self reflection.
The interpersonal dimension---particularly the response you anticipate and receive from your partner--is as critical to the process as your telling about what you are about to disclose.
How do icy, silent couples ever break through gridlock and discuss topics only one of them
(or neither one) wants to face? To answer this question it is important to look at two types of intimacy.
Other- validated intimacy involved the expectation of acceptance, empathy, validation
or reciprocal disclosure from one's partner.
Self-validated intimacy relies on a person's maintain his or her own sense of identity and self worth when disclosing, with a no expectation of acceptance or reciprocity from the partner.
One's level of self validated intimacy is directly related to one's level of differentiation, one's
ability to maintain a clear sens of oneself when loved ones are pressuring for conforming and sameness.
Remember, self validated intimacy is the tangible product of one's relationship with oneself.
Taken from, "A Passionate Marriage" - Schnarch