Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.
It is not over sharing.
It is not purging.
It is indiscriminate disclosure, and it is not a social media dump.
Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.
Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust building process.
We cannot always have guarantees in place before we risk sharing; however, we do not bare our souls soon after we meet someone or because we feel ready to share our pain.
That may be desperation or woundedness but it is not vulnerability.
Vulnerability is mutual, and does not occur in 'all or nothing' arenas.
Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust, and disengagement.
Boundaryless disclosure is one way we protect ourselves from having real vulnerability.
Vulnerability is bankrupt on its own terms when people move from being vulnerable to using vulnerability to deal with unmet needs.
Because you have not had a voice in the past, does not mean full disclosure once you have heard your own voice. This means to slow down and pause, identifying when to use your voice, when to share your secrets, and who to share them with. How can one share their secrets to the world, when they have not yet healed the wounded parts of themselves first?
Slowing down, pausing, understanding trust and who to trust with our special feelings is honoring ourselves as well.
To more effectively dispel the myth that vulnerability is a secret-sharing-free-for-all, let's examine trust.
Visualize an empty marble jar.
Trust is build one marble at a time.
We all begin relationships with an empty marble jar.
As we experience trust, we drop a marble in the jar.
Whenever someone supports you, or is kind to you, or honors what you share with them as private, you put more marbles in the jar.
However, when people are disrespectful, or share your secrets, marbles come out of the jar.
You get to measure who you can be vulnerable with in a safe way based on the marble in your jar.
Remember, trust is built one marble at a time.
Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement.
Trust isn't a grand gesture----it is a growing marble collection.
From Brene Brown - Daring Greatly