Anger is destructive to a relationship,
no matter what it's form.
When anger is expressed, the person on the receiving end of the attack feels brutalized, whether or not there has been any physical violence; the old brain does not distinguish between choice of weapons. Furthermore, because of the strange workings of the unconscious, the person who unleashes the anger feels equally assaulted, because on a deep level the old brain perceives all action as inner directed.
Just as the goodwill that we tend to our partner is believed to be intended for us,
the animosity that we send out is repackaged for home delivery.
When we hurt our partners, we invariably hurt ourselves.
With both partners feeling under attack, there is an immediate downturn in the relationship. There is no way the two individuals can relate peaceably except through diplomacy.
There can be no intimacy because there is no safety.
The old brain will not allow its defenses to be penetrated.
Repressed anger can have equally negative repercussions.
Whereas overt forms of rage create instantaneous damage,
repressed anger often creates an empty relationship or marriage.
If we chose to dampen our anger, we also dampened our capacity to love,
because love and anger are two sides of the same coin.
They are not two separate entities, one good, the other evil.
They are, in fact, the very same life force expressed in two different guises.
The joyful abandon that fills us up as children and makes a brief re-appearance when we
"fall in love" is the same emotional current as the rage that we hurl at our partners in a Friday night fight.
When we feel joyful it is because our life energy is allowed to flourish.
When we become angry, it is because our life energy has been thwarted.
We become angry when the promise of life is denied.
Taken from: Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want.
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