It is the conflicted past---still present---that are the unresolved issues of the Child in us.
There are many non-conflicted experiences from childhood.
Such as feeling joy, having fun, playing games, and solving problems, as part of a healthy Adult.
I use the term Child only when referring to unresolved conflicts from past experiences that intrude in the present.
Each of us can appreciate having an Adult self as well as a Child self.
Given that there are no perfect parents, it follows that there are no perfect adults.
Some residual conflict from our childhood remains in all of us.
It many not manifest itself until, or unless, we suffer some level of stress.
Under sufficient stress--the degree varies from one person to another---
all of us are susceptible to regressing or falling back into operating from positions of painful past perceptions.
The coordinate system for the Adult is "here and now."
For the Child it is "then and there."
In every Child (the actual individual) there is an emerging Adult (the state).
As the Child matures and has age and ability appropriate problems to solve and tasks to accomplish, the healthy Adult component of the self begins to develop.
Requiring the Child to carry our inappropriate tasks does not contribute to this growth.
For example, asking a toddler to move a couch is an invitation for failure.
Feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate accompany those demands that are beyond the Child's capacity.
On the other hand, if the tasks and problems are beneath the Child's ability,
they are met with feelings of boredom, carelessness, and disinterest.
In every Adult (the actual individual) there remains residual unresolved conflicts---the Child.
Breaking Free - Kardener & Kardener
There are many non-conflicted experiences from childhood.
Such as feeling joy, having fun, playing games, and solving problems, as part of a healthy Adult.
I use the term Child only when referring to unresolved conflicts from past experiences that intrude in the present.
Each of us can appreciate having an Adult self as well as a Child self.
Given that there are no perfect parents, it follows that there are no perfect adults.
Some residual conflict from our childhood remains in all of us.
It many not manifest itself until, or unless, we suffer some level of stress.
Under sufficient stress--the degree varies from one person to another---
all of us are susceptible to regressing or falling back into operating from positions of painful past perceptions.
The coordinate system for the Adult is "here and now."
For the Child it is "then and there."
In every Child (the actual individual) there is an emerging Adult (the state).
As the Child matures and has age and ability appropriate problems to solve and tasks to accomplish, the healthy Adult component of the self begins to develop.
Requiring the Child to carry our inappropriate tasks does not contribute to this growth.
For example, asking a toddler to move a couch is an invitation for failure.
Feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate accompany those demands that are beyond the Child's capacity.
On the other hand, if the tasks and problems are beneath the Child's ability,
they are met with feelings of boredom, carelessness, and disinterest.
In every Adult (the actual individual) there remains residual unresolved conflicts---the Child.
Breaking Free - Kardener & Kardener
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