The solution to marital problems isn't becoming more heartless or hard-headed--it's to take better care of your own heart.
Once you learn self-soothing you can apply this to everyday life when you are tolerating pain for the sake of growth.
Self-soothing comes in handy whether you are a parent or whether you are a spouse.
Self-soothing involves meeting two core challenges of self-hood:
1. Not losing yourself to the pressures and demands of others.
2. Developing your capacity for self-centering and stabilizing your own emotions and fears.
You can use sensory awareness to center and quiet yourself. That is a standard Eastern technique of self-realization. But becoming aware of your body is only a first step. There is a key part to Eastern practices we often forget: self awareness. Self-awareness leads to realizing we are all part of a bigger oneness. It involves clearing out your mind and having your emotions, not blanking everything out.
How relaxed and quiet can one become? You can hear your blood pulsing in your ears. you listen to the sound of air going in and out the back of your throat. your jaw goes slack and your eyelids get heavy, you realize your ears were tense. You hear the quiet, to an absence of sound, but the presence of peace.
When the noise in your head finally quiets--it can take weeks, months, or years--you may experience a sense of self-transformation. It often shows in your face. Calming down so we don't have tension or anxiety attacks is one thing--quieting the noise in our heads, is quite another, to really relax.
And remember, self soothing is your ability to comfort yourself, lick your wounds, and care for yourself without excessive indulgences or deprivation.
Once you learn self-soothing you can apply this to everyday life when you are tolerating pain for the sake of growth.
Self-soothing comes in handy whether you are a parent or whether you are a spouse.
Self-soothing involves meeting two core challenges of self-hood:
1. Not losing yourself to the pressures and demands of others.
2. Developing your capacity for self-centering and stabilizing your own emotions and fears.
You can use sensory awareness to center and quiet yourself. That is a standard Eastern technique of self-realization. But becoming aware of your body is only a first step. There is a key part to Eastern practices we often forget: self awareness. Self-awareness leads to realizing we are all part of a bigger oneness. It involves clearing out your mind and having your emotions, not blanking everything out.
How relaxed and quiet can one become? You can hear your blood pulsing in your ears. you listen to the sound of air going in and out the back of your throat. your jaw goes slack and your eyelids get heavy, you realize your ears were tense. You hear the quiet, to an absence of sound, but the presence of peace.
When the noise in your head finally quiets--it can take weeks, months, or years--you may experience a sense of self-transformation. It often shows in your face. Calming down so we don't have tension or anxiety attacks is one thing--quieting the noise in our heads, is quite another, to really relax.
And remember, self soothing is your ability to comfort yourself, lick your wounds, and care for yourself without excessive indulgences or deprivation.
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