Nine Developmental Tasks of a Good Marriage

Marriage needs to be strong enough to withstand the inevitable, acute, and ongoing stresses of life. 

Good marriages that are examined have maintained their integrity and staying power because they were built of sturdier materials and were reinforced over the years.

There are nine tasks that that authors,
Judith Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee, The Good Marriage, have indicated as the psychological tasks of for subtle growth and accommodation of each person within a marriage.

• To separate emotionally from the family of one's childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and, at the same time, to redefine the lines of connection with both families of origin.

• To build togetherness by creating the intimacy that supports it while carving out each partner's autonomy.  These issues are central throughout the marriage but loom especially large at the outset, at midlife, and at retirement.

• To embrace the daunting roles of parents and to absorb the impact of Her Majesty the baby's dramatic entrance.  At the same time the couple must work to protect their own privacy.

• To confront and mast the inevitable crises of life, maintaining the strength of the bond in the face of adversity.

• To create a safe haven for the expression of differences, anger and conflict.

• To establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the incursions of the workplace and family obligations.

• To use laughter and humor to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom by sharing fun, interests, and friends.

• To provide nurturance and comfort to each other, satisfying each partner's needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

• To keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

 

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