A good guideline that seems to work well with those in therapy is to "hold onto yourself." It can become a mantra to center and refocus whenever events or interactions threaten to swamp them, This mantra sums up the process of self mastery and self control.
Self mastery and self control is about learning about yourself, confronting yourself and shifting to self validated intimacy and taking care of yourself, self soothing.
Learning to take care of yourself nudges your marriage forward as well as your personal development and fundamentally changes how you and your partner interact.
Passionate Marriage - Schnarch