Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT
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Our Self-Worth is Not Dependent on Being Right

1/24/2015

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The philosophy of "No Challenge" reflects the ability to see when my mind is using comparison as a means of determining self worth.  Comparison usually leads to either engaging in competition to "prove" superiority, or in withdrawing emotionally or physically and believing that I am inferior. 
Both originate in and reinforce low self worth.

The concept of No Challenge recognizes the worth in each individual.  From this stance, the individual may begin to join with others. 
Joining does not mean that I have to like someone's behavior.
Iit simply means not seeing myself as superior or inferior. 


The ego only sees two modes: inferiority or superiority and,
to have peace of mind, it is impossible for either to exist.

I have thought superiority would make me powerful, I was mistaken! 

Superiority brings isolation and guardedness.

The ego deals in absolutes.  I am either good or bad.  I am right or wrong. 
I am either "better than" or "worse than". 
I am smart or stupid. 
I am good looking or ugly.

When growing up in emotionally inconsistent or abusive homes, such as an addicts or alcoholic home, we come to believe that this polarized thinking will create safety for us. 
Because the ego deals in absolutes, we are either instigating or defensively and negatively responding to a challenge.

In No Challenge, the emphasis is on knowing ourselves and trusting what we know.  We do not need to become defensive. 
False accusations or provocation only have the power that we give to them.  
No Challenge
says,
"Know the truth, and respond only to it.  Don't see what is not there."

Furthermore, No Challenge incorporates the idea that our self-respect
is not dependent upon defeating another. 

Nor is self-worth dependent on our making sure that everybody see us as being right. 


The ego always sees the self as being threatened and in need of defense.  The ego challenges others in order to validate itself.
  But the truth is, we ourselves need no defense because the self is love, and love needs no defense.

The core of No Challenge is: 
Love is who I am. 
Love is lost in challenge. 
Love needs no defense.


When we know this to be true, we trust ourselves.
 
When we trust ourselves there is never any need to challenge another,
nor is there ever any need to become defensive and attacking. 


With No Challenge, we walk in a peaceful path.




The Art of Trust ~ Lee Jampolsky, Ph.D.







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    Author:
    Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A.
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist


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