We've long assumed that as we mature, we outgrow the need for the intense closeness, nurturing, and comfort we had with our caregivers as children and that as adults, and that the romantic attachments we form are essentially sexual in nature. This is a complete distortion of adult love.
Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child.
Our need to depend on one precious other--to know that when we "call", he or she will be there for us--never dissolves. In fact, it endures, as researcher John Bowlby puts it,
"From cradle to grave."
As adults, we simply transfer that need from our primary caregiver to our lover. Romantic love is not the least bit illogical or random.
It is the continuation of an ordered and wise recipe for our survival.
Trust helps us over the rough places that crop up in every relationship. Our bodies are designed to produce a cascade of chemicals that bond us tightly to our loved ones.
Monogamy is not only possible, it is our natural state.
Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength. Being the "best you can be" is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another.
Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.
Love Sense, Sue Johnson
Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child.
Our need to depend on one precious other--to know that when we "call", he or she will be there for us--never dissolves. In fact, it endures, as researcher John Bowlby puts it,
"From cradle to grave."
As adults, we simply transfer that need from our primary caregiver to our lover. Romantic love is not the least bit illogical or random.
It is the continuation of an ordered and wise recipe for our survival.
Trust helps us over the rough places that crop up in every relationship. Our bodies are designed to produce a cascade of chemicals that bond us tightly to our loved ones.
Monogamy is not only possible, it is our natural state.
Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength. Being the "best you can be" is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another.
Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.
Love Sense, Sue Johnson
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