A disorder of assertiveness, the individual attracts or accepts exploitation, abuse, or neglect.
The codependent may accept sexual attention from a partner, however really wants love.
In times of fear, often the codependent passes by the fight response. This comes from
parents who punished "talking back" which often extinguished the flight response in childhood.
In codependents the fawn response often takes over.
The fawn response shows up as "cringe and flatter." Again, a learned response in early childhood to remain emotionally safe and not to be rejected or abandoned by parents.
These aspects show up in our relationships today. The harsh inner critic, perfectionism and other early means of remaining emotionally safe, loved and accepted. Showing up as our true selves is threatening because we are afraid of criticism, hurt, and rejection as we experienced in our early years. We are good enough, we are not perfect.
It takes true courage to reclaim your true self. Learn to define your own needs and wants without controlling or manipulating others. Acceptance of the self and others.
Learning about emotional safety and allowing it in one's life is most important part of healing.
Unless there are clear signs of danger, committing to thought-stop the projection of ones
past bully/critics onto others. Trusting myself and those close to me, and accepting that the vast majority of my fellow human beings are peaceful people. This means challenging the old imprints of the past that created the original fear and the development of the false self or the codependent self.
Even thought it is sometimes frightening and one may get hurt by being vulnerable.
We can feel so much more alive when we can connect and live out of our true selves.