We are more emotionally naked with those we love and so sometimes, inevitably, we hurt each other with careless words or actions.
While these occasions sting, the pain is often superficial and fleeting.
Almost all of us have at least on additional exquisite sensitivity -- a raw spot in our emotional skin -- that is tender to the touch, easily rubbed, and deeply painful.
When this raw spot gets abraded, it can bleed all over our relationship. We lose our emotional balance and plunge into demon dialogues.
What exactly is a raw spot?
It is a hypersensitivity formed by moments in a person's past or current relationships
when an attachment need has been repeatedly neglected, ignored or dismissed
resulting in a person feeling emotionally deprived or deserted.
These are the universal raw spot points for lovers.
These sensitivities frequently arise from wounding relationships
with significant people in our past, especially parents who give us our basic template for loving relationships; sibling and other members of our families; and of course past and present lovers.
Sometimes raw spots arise in a happy relationship
if we feel especially emotionally deprived or deserted. Raw spots can occur during big transitions or crises --- having a child, becoming ill, the loss of a job.
It is when the need for support from our partner is particularly intense,
but it does not come.
Raw spots can develop when a partner seems chronically indifferent,
producing an overwhelming sense of hurt that then infuses even small issues.
Sue Johnson - Hold Me Tight