Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT
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The Pain of Undoing My Belief System

11/14/2014

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When the drug is taken away from the addict, that person experiences some pain and discomfort.  This is not because the removed substance is "good" for them  Rather, the addict has become so used to the drug that the body and mind believe that it is needed.

We become addicted to our beliefs in the same way. 
Even if we identify beliefs that continually lead us into conflict and inner turmoil, we can experience deep loss and pain when we try to give them up.  Our minds become addicted to thinking in certain ways.  When we try to change we often are faced with great resistance.  For this reason the period of undoing can be very difficult.  Often, individuals give up before they get started.

The period of challenging an old belief and it's insight does not necessarily lead to change.  We often create obstacles or resistances to change which are fears that thwart our inner exploration. 
In fact, the origin of the belief is not as important as confronting and working through the obstacles.

Below is identified a 'healthy alternative' to some examples of core beliefs.

New Belief:  I am a capable human being.  Should I make a mistake, it simply an opportunity to learn.
Obstacles: If I see myself as capable, that will mean that I will have to begin to take some risks.  Other people will see my mistakes as failures.

New Belief: Letting others know who I am will allow me to know myself.  I trust my feelings and my intuition.
Obstacles: If I let others know me I will be abandoned.

New Belief: I can always choose how I feel, what I believe, and what I value.  The situation is not the determinant of my experience.
Obstacles: Taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions means I can no longer blame others or be a victim.

All of the above obstacles can be seen as resistances. They illustrate the 'fear factor' within our thinking.  This is because the ego may tell us that change is dangerous.  This is a belief that can be challenged. As a result, change is perceived as being frightening.  However, we all have the capacity to recognize a belief, challenge that belief and re-frame it into a positive aspect of growth as the examples above.

In order to continue and grow one must fan the spark of faith that a better life is possible.


The Art of Trust - Jampolsky
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    Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A.
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist


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