People often comment they don't have problems with other people, only problems with their spouses. "Of all the guys I dated, I never had the difficulty that I have with you," a wife proclaims.
That is all well and good to say, however the fact is,
that she chose not to marry the people with whom she got along.
Women may say that they can speak to and be understood by everyone else except their husbands. Some men allude to having had no difficulty with feelings of sexual inadequacy with other women, but with their wives they are impotent.
They fail to appreciate that we are always most conflicted with the very people to whom we are the closest. Who else would it be if not our most emotionally intimate partners?
Major unresolved issues commonly manifest themselves in our marital relationships.
However, continuing conflict requires that both partners collude in maintaining the problems, rather than solving them. Such relationships may be deep and meaningful, but in the troubled ones, the partner compromises what each of them desires in order to avoid
"rocking the boat."
The greater the emotional distance from the epicenter of unresolved issues a couple maintains, the more contented they may appear ---
a connectedness paid for by accepting superficiality.
Either or both may seek a deeper sense of satisfaction through some emotional investment outside of the marriage, such as an affair with work, hobbies, sports, or another person.
The person sees the affair as an environment in which he can let down his defenses and experience a closeness not found with his mate.
The closeness is only an illusion made possible because the issues he has with his spouse do not exit in the affair---that is, unless those who participate in the affair marry.
Breaking Fee - Kardener & Kardener
That is all well and good to say, however the fact is,
that she chose not to marry the people with whom she got along.
Women may say that they can speak to and be understood by everyone else except their husbands. Some men allude to having had no difficulty with feelings of sexual inadequacy with other women, but with their wives they are impotent.
They fail to appreciate that we are always most conflicted with the very people to whom we are the closest. Who else would it be if not our most emotionally intimate partners?
Major unresolved issues commonly manifest themselves in our marital relationships.
However, continuing conflict requires that both partners collude in maintaining the problems, rather than solving them. Such relationships may be deep and meaningful, but in the troubled ones, the partner compromises what each of them desires in order to avoid
"rocking the boat."
The greater the emotional distance from the epicenter of unresolved issues a couple maintains, the more contented they may appear ---
a connectedness paid for by accepting superficiality.
Either or both may seek a deeper sense of satisfaction through some emotional investment outside of the marriage, such as an affair with work, hobbies, sports, or another person.
The person sees the affair as an environment in which he can let down his defenses and experience a closeness not found with his mate.
The closeness is only an illusion made possible because the issues he has with his spouse do not exit in the affair---that is, unless those who participate in the affair marry.
Breaking Fee - Kardener & Kardener
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