"Our emotions are themselves, a higher order of intelligence."
-O. Hobart Mowrer,
Strong emotion is the essence of love --- and strong emotion is what has given love a bad rap.
We do not understand intense emotion, and we do not tend to trust it.
We want the joy and elation love brings.
They lift us up our of our dull, mundane routines and make us feel alive and significant.
We abhor the fear and anger and sadness that also attends love.
They drop us into deep pits of desolation and despair and make us feel helpless and out of control.
As Freud remarked several years ago, "We are never so vulnerable as when we love."
The reason that distress in a relationship so often plunges us into inner chaos is because our hearts and brains are set up to use our partners to help us find our balance in the middle of distress and fear.
If they instead become a source of distress, then we are doubly bereft and vulnerable.
Many can fall into the routines of life and forget about taking care of our relationships.
Friendship takes work as well as a love relationship. Some partners seem to forget about attending to what is most important to them, each other.
By moving close to another person, (called "contact comfort") the impact of every risk or threat is reduced.
Amazing as it is, new research has given us information about love relationships and reveals the impact of emotion in our closest relationships.
"For humans," says psychologist Ed Tronick of the University of Massachusetts, "the maintenance of emotional balance is a dyadic collaborative process."
In other words, we are designed to deal with emotion in concert with another person --- not by ourselves.
Know this. A loving connection is the natural antidote to fear and pain. If you have moved away from this notion, find your loving connection again.
Taken from, 'Hold Me Tight,' S. Johnson