When confronted with controlling or abusive behaviors, the bullied child in me emerges.
At times, these behaviors made me feel small,
and I shrink.
The pause in my thoughts and remembering my feelings
takes me to a place of about 10 years old,
when I was judged for feeling my authentic feelings or having needs.
I remember feeling powerless then.
I realize I learned to feel powerless growing up in my dysfunctional family.
My parents' needs came first, children had little rights and
were 2nd class citizens compared to parents needs.
My needs were last based on these beliefs.
I felt very controlled,
either by their threats or by their manipulative or conditional love.
Conditional love was used as a tool
towards managing normal behaviors of children in my family.
Gradually as I grew,
I came to feel I had no power at all.
Now as an adult,
I realize that sometimes the child part in me has remained a small and scared person.
However, I have grown up to be an adult.
When the small child part comes up, I remind myself that I am an adult.
As an adult
I have learned the give and take world of living,
and that I do have power.
I have choice.
I have a voice.
And I can be heard.
My needs are important and I am in charge to ask to have them met.
I have learned to ask for my needs to be met without feeling shame.
I can regain my power and
realize my needs
are important today.
When confronted with controlling or abusive behavior,
I sometimes feel that drop,
that drop into not feeling powerful or 'good enough.'
However as I sense myself slipping down,
I have learned to pull myself back up.
I remind myself that child inside is healing.
I am important.
I can summon my power and my courage and my voice.
Today, I say to myself,
I am not to be intimidated by controlling or abusive behavior.
I have a voice. I am good enough.I am powerful.
At times, these behaviors made me feel small,
and I shrink.
The pause in my thoughts and remembering my feelings
takes me to a place of about 10 years old,
when I was judged for feeling my authentic feelings or having needs.
I remember feeling powerless then.
I realize I learned to feel powerless growing up in my dysfunctional family.
My parents' needs came first, children had little rights and
were 2nd class citizens compared to parents needs.
My needs were last based on these beliefs.
I felt very controlled,
either by their threats or by their manipulative or conditional love.
Conditional love was used as a tool
towards managing normal behaviors of children in my family.
Gradually as I grew,
I came to feel I had no power at all.
Now as an adult,
I realize that sometimes the child part in me has remained a small and scared person.
However, I have grown up to be an adult.
When the small child part comes up, I remind myself that I am an adult.
As an adult
I have learned the give and take world of living,
and that I do have power.
I have choice.
I have a voice.
And I can be heard.
My needs are important and I am in charge to ask to have them met.
I have learned to ask for my needs to be met without feeling shame.
I can regain my power and
realize my needs
are important today.
When confronted with controlling or abusive behavior,
I sometimes feel that drop,
that drop into not feeling powerful or 'good enough.'
However as I sense myself slipping down,
I have learned to pull myself back up.
I remind myself that child inside is healing.
I am important.
I can summon my power and my courage and my voice.
Today, I say to myself,
I am not to be intimidated by controlling or abusive behavior.
I have a voice. I am good enough.I am powerful.
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