Society views womanhood and motherhood as inextricably bound;
therefore our value as women
is often determined by
where we are in relation
to our roles as mothers or potential mothers.
Women are constantly asked why they haven't married or,
if they are married
or why they haven't had children.
Even women who are married and have one child are asked
why they haven't had a second child?
If you are working outside the home,
the first question is,
"What about the children?"
If you are not working,
the first questions is,
"What kind of example are you setting for your child?"
"Mother Shame" is ubiquitous,
everywhere...
---it's a birthright for girls and for women.
However, the real struggle for women ---
what amplifies shame and regardless of the category ---
is that we are expected (and sometimes desire)
to be perfect.
Yet, the key is that we are not allowed to look like
we are trying to be perfect,
it has to look natural.
We just want it to materialize somehow,
everything should be effortless.
Like the perfect friend, or neighbor next door,
she never has to try
and she is perfect,
why not me?
Self judgment.
Shame arises.
The expectation is to be natural beauties,
natural mothers, natural leaders, and naturally good parents,
and we want to belong to the naturally fabulous families.
Think about how much money has been made selling products
that promise "the natural look."
When it comes to work,
we love to hear, "She makes it look so easy,"
or "She's a natural."
This web of conflicting and competing expectations
put on women dictate:
Who we should be...
What we should be...
How we should be...
Shame dictates how 'we are' based on these rules.
The way out
is to remember
our dreams, gifts, and ambitions
are important.
Every successful and happy woman
I know that I have talked about this shares
how she has to push past
these "rules"
so she can assert herself,
advocate for her ideas,
and feel comfortable
with her own power and gifts.
The reality is that women
still run into the demands of
"stay small, sweet, quiet and modest."
Imperfection.
It's human,
it's real and
we can embrace who we are
and our gifts.
So, societal norms aren't outdated,
even if they are reductionist
and squeeze the life out of us,
and shame is the route to enforcing those rules.
No more shame.
Shame resilience is a prerequisite for vulnerability.
It takes courage to stand still in 'your self'
and present to the world exactly who you are,
with understanding
that the only one who gets to vote
about you is you.
It takes time to cultivate the practice and courage
to reach out and talk about hard things.
All you have to do is recognize who you are,
talk about life,
be vulnerable and courageous.
You don't have to master the information
before you engage in a conversation.
Do it. Start now. Talk about it with a friend.
End the shame of the "shoulds."
Cultivate love.
Remember, shame is the fear of disconnection...
Be authentic and true to yourself,
connect authentically.
Brene Brown - Daring Greatly
therefore our value as women
is often determined by
where we are in relation
to our roles as mothers or potential mothers.
Women are constantly asked why they haven't married or,
if they are married
or why they haven't had children.
Even women who are married and have one child are asked
why they haven't had a second child?
If you are working outside the home,
the first question is,
"What about the children?"
If you are not working,
the first questions is,
"What kind of example are you setting for your child?"
"Mother Shame" is ubiquitous,
everywhere...
---it's a birthright for girls and for women.
However, the real struggle for women ---
what amplifies shame and regardless of the category ---
is that we are expected (and sometimes desire)
to be perfect.
Yet, the key is that we are not allowed to look like
we are trying to be perfect,
it has to look natural.
We just want it to materialize somehow,
everything should be effortless.
Like the perfect friend, or neighbor next door,
she never has to try
and she is perfect,
why not me?
Self judgment.
Shame arises.
The expectation is to be natural beauties,
natural mothers, natural leaders, and naturally good parents,
and we want to belong to the naturally fabulous families.
Think about how much money has been made selling products
that promise "the natural look."
When it comes to work,
we love to hear, "She makes it look so easy,"
or "She's a natural."
This web of conflicting and competing expectations
put on women dictate:
Who we should be...
What we should be...
How we should be...
Shame dictates how 'we are' based on these rules.
The way out
is to remember
our dreams, gifts, and ambitions
are important.
Every successful and happy woman
I know that I have talked about this shares
how she has to push past
these "rules"
so she can assert herself,
advocate for her ideas,
and feel comfortable
with her own power and gifts.
The reality is that women
still run into the demands of
"stay small, sweet, quiet and modest."
Imperfection.
It's human,
it's real and
we can embrace who we are
and our gifts.
So, societal norms aren't outdated,
even if they are reductionist
and squeeze the life out of us,
and shame is the route to enforcing those rules.
No more shame.
Shame resilience is a prerequisite for vulnerability.
It takes courage to stand still in 'your self'
and present to the world exactly who you are,
with understanding
that the only one who gets to vote
about you is you.
It takes time to cultivate the practice and courage
to reach out and talk about hard things.
All you have to do is recognize who you are,
talk about life,
be vulnerable and courageous.
You don't have to master the information
before you engage in a conversation.
Do it. Start now. Talk about it with a friend.
End the shame of the "shoulds."
Cultivate love.
Remember, shame is the fear of disconnection...
Be authentic and true to yourself,
connect authentically.
Brene Brown - Daring Greatly
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