Sex puts women in a very vulnerable positions; they are smaller and weaker than men, often are on their backs. They have to overcome the nature fear that helpless position induces.
They appear to unconsciously ask themselves:, "How sure do I feel about this person? Can I trust him?"
Women's sexuality appears to depend on the quality of the relationship rather than the intensity of the sensations in their skin. It naturally connects to attachment and a safe haven relationship. It helps us to understand why woman, even after birth control and feminism, still tend to be the gatekeepers in sex and men the initiators.
Today a new model of female sexuality is posed rather than the old model of genital stimulation.
The new model includes factors such as relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy, previous sexual activity, all of which influence women's sexual responses. Women often begin sexual experiences feeling sexually neutral and move into desire and arousal as a result of sexual cues from their partner.
Their sexuality is often responsive rather than the obedient subject.
Recognizing that today cues concerning safe attachment are fundamental to women's arousal and sexuality opens the way to new remedies.
For men, that means overhauling their view of female sexuality and adjusting their verbal and physical approaches to make it apparent that there is desire for the person, not just for the orgasm.
Gary tells me in a therapy setting, "I can't get over it. All those sexual techniques I read about. What a waste of time! She likes me to talk to her. I hate to be corny, but sharing my feelings seems to turn her on. Amazing I used to keep asking her "Do you want to mess around?" I didn't get what a turn off that was to her. I wanted her to show all this passion right off the bat. Now I understand that she wants to be held and whispered to and then for me to come on to her very slowly. It works!"
Taken from Love Sense/Johnson