Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A., LMFT
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You Cannot Hate Yourself into Loving Yourself.

3/31/2016

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Picture
When I am tempted to be mean to myself,
here are a few things I remember:


1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.
We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings.
They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through
.   

2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar. 
There is a quote that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.”
That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.     

3. There is more right with you than wrong with you.

This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn:
“Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”
As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.

4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least. 
I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and
made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.  

5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.” 

One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot fully feel satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are. Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.



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    Author:
    Jo Ellen Fletcher, M.A.
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist


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